Trying Hard

I've been trying to figure myself out for a while now and in doing so my journey involves asking questions and constantly trying to take in any new information I can. This has led me to read a couple different Birthday books which has led to an interesting conclusion. Each book was unique in it's own but they all carried a uniform message. That people born on my birthday have a duality personality. It means that we are hardest to describe becuase we can be both equally sad and happy, quiet and outgoing. One book called it the day of agony and extascy. Truth is these books have it right, people have never seemed to have been able to describe me, I've always just been Elly. But this isn't always a good thing. Because I have such a range of emotions and I feel them so strongly it's hard to control them. This is what I've been working on recently. Reminding myself not to lose control over a situation because of my emotions. I think sometimes I come of unstable because I can't control my emotions and I don't like coming off unstable so I've been working on controlling my emotions. This is also important because it effects my schoolwork. So often I seen the final projects of other students and think I'm so far behind everyone. Everytime I struggle I feel like I am the only person struggling and that makes me feel so disappointed in myself. Sad that I don't seem to be talented at anything. I don't give myself breaks easily but I need to learn how to do that. I need to remind myself that the talent will come but I need to learn it. And every project I take on is just another learning experience. A way to find out what I'm good at and what I could work on. It doesn't matter the outcome because as long as I've done something I've won! Sometimes, especailly from looking at other people from the outside, it feels like everybody else has life so easy while I seem to constantly struggle every step of the way and that's really hard to deal with. When I'm staring at ceiling just wishing I had sometime to talk to it sucks knowing everyone is out with someone else having a great time. However, struggling through life has it ups in the sense that as I'm struggling I'm learning, and now I feel like I'm learning fast. I'm starting to (sorta) pull away from living in a fantasy world and dealing with the world around me.

Que Sera Sera

After Class

Class ended Friday! It feels weird to already be done with class, it was so short! haha. However now I'm working on my fashion show piece, it's going to be a deep cowl knit top with a hood and a tube top underneath and a pair of pants. It also has sleeves that I am going to make (separate from the top). It should be fun. I do like Knits a lot and my teacher told me at the end of class that she can see me being better at knits that wovens (which I agree and am totally ok with!) Knits has much more lenency and I like the way it drapes. I've been working on getting up earlier too, and consistantly, which means no more sleeping in on the weekends. Mondays don't feel as bad if they are just like every other day. Classes start next week, it feels so soon but so far at the same time. I'm excited and nervous. I just want to do really well this semester. I always sit down and expect to write so much and then when I actually start I feel like I don't have anything intresting to say. Most of what I talk about has to do with clothes or fashion. I'm such a dork!
Well if you'd like to see my final projects for cut and sew knits here they are!




The swimsuit was tough to fit but for my first swimsuit ever I think it came out pretty well. I'm trying to remember that as much as I wish it were I can't be perfect right away. It's going to take time to learn how to do something. I have extra material so I think I might try making a bikini (that might be all the fabric that I have left) I love the dress too! It is a little big on top so I think I might have to add straps to help keep the dress up. Like I said, I've only been sewing for about a year and a half so I'm nowhere near perfect but hopefully if I keep trying, I'll get there!

Blessing on your journey!
Que Sera Sera!

Almost a week?

I can't believe it has been almost a week since I came back, time is really flying! The first couple of days weren't too good mainly because I seemed to have got sicker, finally I let myself sleep for practically an entire day (no I did not skip class) and things got better. So far in Cut and Sew Knits me and my partner (a very nice girl named Emma) have made (the patterns for and the garment) a swimsuit, a knit t-shirt, and a sweatshirt. Tomorrow we are making a pair of sweatpants, then binded shorts (running shorts) and then I think I have two final projects that I have to do by myself (boo...i like partner work). On top of that I'm starting to work on my fashion show piece, which will contain for different pieces (ok one of them are arm bands that should be pretty easy.) Annie has gone home for a week so I have the place all to myself until Wednesday. Some major cleaning will be going on this weekend, not that the place was super messy or anything when I got back but the kitchen needs it and really the place needs a good scrub down. Well I'm off to do some patternmaking hahaha!

blessings to all


p.s. I LOVE KNITS!!!!! hahahahaha!!!

Bad Habits

I never seem to write when I'm home, too lazy I guess. I'm back up at Stout and taking classes. I'm still kinda sick and seem to (somehow) be getting sicker. My voice is going so that is no fun. It's the start of a new year and I'm sick....bad omen? or is it more of a cleansing thing? I dunno! I don't have many expectations for the year ahead except to do better in school and lose weight. I hope my friends have great upcoming new years, I really do wish the best for them. I know they are all dealing with their own things, and I hope they find suitable solutions to those dealings. Cut and Sew knits started today! By tomorrow me and my partner will have a swimsuit done and a t-shirt pattern done!