in that I have both a ton (!) of homework and some of it to do with religion.
So I apologize now...to who, I don't really know, that I might not be updating for a bit because I have to get out from under this mass plie of stuff before I can rest enough to write (not that I really have anything good to say. I wish I just had a pile of reading and little worksheets to do but here apparently it's all done in big heavy craploads of work
First for pattern she gives us at least 2 hours of homework every Monday and Wednesday that I still have to complete AND on top of that now we have a Jean Jacket Project, which I just started but is totally fun and kinda reminds me of project runway becuase we have to start with a already constructed jean jacket (or pants) and make a new outfit out of it that has to be 60% cotton when completed. It's really hard to describe what I'm doing so I'll save it for when I have pictures to show, AND not only do we have a mere 2 weeks to complete it (technically like 1 1/2) but we don't get a brake on homework, were not allowed to work on it in class and it is being judged and the winners go down to texas ( I think) to have their design auctioned off and if you win the WHOLE competition you get money. ugh. no way I'm even making it to Texas, but I'm going to do my best anyways.
ON TOP of that I have a lit test the 12th which I have no idea what on becuase our lit professor doesn't test us on materials but morals instead. I also have a Fashion Industry paper due that makes no sense, and a Packaging and Society paper to do as well. AND I have a speech that I'm giving informing people about pagan religion (gasp!) haha. I'm a little nervous because it's not my intention to offend anyone or try to convert people (even though I'm not a practicing Pagan anyways) but I have the feeling that someone will take it that way or worse no one will care at all. I think that everyone should know about as many religions as their brain can hold because the more you know the more likely you are to be more open minded and understand other people AND the more you know, the more you question, which I know in some religions may seem bad but I think it's beautiful to question your religion, the more you question, the more you find, and the more anwswers you find will invaribly bring more questions which will give you the ablity to see further than you could have imagined. too bad not everyone sees this
sorry I didn't wish anyone a Happy Fat Tuesday....sadly I didn't get any pancakes this year so I wasn't as Happy to have a Fat Tuesday as I usually am (this is my FIRST Fat Tuesday away from home :(....)
I've been talking to my mom more, ACTUAL talking! about indepth beliefs about the modern world, how I see things, why this, why that....real deep stuff, and I like talking to her, it's made me feel so much closer to her, so much so that I've been crying the last couple of days because I miss her and my home. It especially sucks that I can't even see any family or friends on my birthday...I wish I could. It's going to be so wierd this year. I'll have a cake during spring break when I'm home but that's pretty much it. yay 20 huh? For some reason I just really feel the need to be home right now, so I can't wait for spring break and home :).
Well if this posts on the 28th....Happy Public Sleeping Day (must be why I was so tired today)
and if this posts on the 1st....Happy National Pig Day AND Happy Penut Butter Lover's Day
28.2.09
22.2.09
Since One Good Turn Deserves Another
well, I wish I had something more interesting than the fact that I think I need a hair trim to update but I don't really....
Work has started out GREAT. I haven't yet really talked to any co-workers (I'm so bad at socailizing) but my boss and her boss are really cool people, very friendly, which I love. I also realized just how much I missed working at a library. Sure I don't get to talk alot but I LOVE organizing books! I love carrying books,finding places for them, I love it! I'll probably end up working at a Library after school for a while, maybe doubling being a desk person at a salon too. Those are the two jobs I think I would like to have for a bit. At work though I feel almost like I'm working too fast. Julianne (my boss) has made a couple of comments on me being fast, but I can't help it. When you've spent two years working at a library you tend to get faster at shelving and it's like riding a bike I guess, I got back into the swing of things and picked up my pace. I don't try to be fast, I just am. whoop! Hopefully soon(but not too soon) I'll get trained on Desk so I can check out books too! I love the desk (even though I never worked one before)
I also recently watch a documentary called Gonzo on the life and times of Hunter S. Thompson. If you don't know who he is, he was a fabulous writer and a guy with a ton of guts. There are good and bad points of his life but on the whole I guess in some ways I really want to emulate his life. He lived for fun, and I want to too. I'm no writer but hopfully I'll eventually have my little shop of clothes (yay). The biggest difference between us is I think Hunter actually wanted (and possibly tried) to change people, to make a difference whereas I know there's nothing I can say or do that's going to change anything or anybody. I'm just going to live my life in the way that makes me happy, although more and more I'm seeing that what makes me happy seems to dissapoint my friends and family. I don't blame them. Most of my friends live "by the book" or "inside the box" and even if they don't they know how to play the game of life. How to live in society without constantly pushing barriers. I think I'm just too compulsive to live that way. I know a lot of my friends talk about tattoos and piercings and may someday get one but are.....more responsible?...smarter? than me. If my gut tells me to do something I know that eventually I'll do it, sooner or later (probably sooner because my gut can get so annoying) The only problem is that it's getting to the point were I'll have to decide, live so that others are happy but I am not happy with myself or live so that I am comfortable in my own skin but constantly dissapointing those close to me. I don't want to decide, I don't want to be here but I realize that I am. Most people now would tell me to take the first path because I DO live in society and the only real way to get by is to play by their rules, and how can I be so cruel to those that show me kindness? But I've done that before. For me, if I can't be happy with myself...what's the point of living? I know I'm the worst kind of selfish, just the worst. Either way there is never going to be true full happiness, either way there will always be a sorrow on my shoulders, a burden that is there but not there. I feel like I HAVE to do things my way but dealing with the guilt afterwards is bone crushing. However I'm beginning to see things about myself and my life that I can just no longer ignore. I feel a pull in a certain direction but it is the worst direction, and I will become the worst of all people, the most selfish.
Work has started out GREAT. I haven't yet really talked to any co-workers (I'm so bad at socailizing) but my boss and her boss are really cool people, very friendly, which I love. I also realized just how much I missed working at a library. Sure I don't get to talk alot but I LOVE organizing books! I love carrying books,finding places for them, I love it! I'll probably end up working at a Library after school for a while, maybe doubling being a desk person at a salon too. Those are the two jobs I think I would like to have for a bit. At work though I feel almost like I'm working too fast. Julianne (my boss) has made a couple of comments on me being fast, but I can't help it. When you've spent two years working at a library you tend to get faster at shelving and it's like riding a bike I guess, I got back into the swing of things and picked up my pace. I don't try to be fast, I just am. whoop! Hopefully soon(but not too soon) I'll get trained on Desk so I can check out books too! I love the desk (even though I never worked one before)
I also recently watch a documentary called Gonzo on the life and times of Hunter S. Thompson. If you don't know who he is, he was a fabulous writer and a guy with a ton of guts. There are good and bad points of his life but on the whole I guess in some ways I really want to emulate his life. He lived for fun, and I want to too. I'm no writer but hopfully I'll eventually have my little shop of clothes (yay). The biggest difference between us is I think Hunter actually wanted (and possibly tried) to change people, to make a difference whereas I know there's nothing I can say or do that's going to change anything or anybody. I'm just going to live my life in the way that makes me happy, although more and more I'm seeing that what makes me happy seems to dissapoint my friends and family. I don't blame them. Most of my friends live "by the book" or "inside the box" and even if they don't they know how to play the game of life. How to live in society without constantly pushing barriers. I think I'm just too compulsive to live that way. I know a lot of my friends talk about tattoos and piercings and may someday get one but are.....more responsible?...smarter? than me. If my gut tells me to do something I know that eventually I'll do it, sooner or later (probably sooner because my gut can get so annoying) The only problem is that it's getting to the point were I'll have to decide, live so that others are happy but I am not happy with myself or live so that I am comfortable in my own skin but constantly dissapointing those close to me. I don't want to decide, I don't want to be here but I realize that I am. Most people now would tell me to take the first path because I DO live in society and the only real way to get by is to play by their rules, and how can I be so cruel to those that show me kindness? But I've done that before. For me, if I can't be happy with myself...what's the point of living? I know I'm the worst kind of selfish, just the worst. Either way there is never going to be true full happiness, either way there will always be a sorrow on my shoulders, a burden that is there but not there. I feel like I HAVE to do things my way but dealing with the guilt afterwards is bone crushing. However I'm beginning to see things about myself and my life that I can just no longer ignore. I feel a pull in a certain direction but it is the worst direction, and I will become the worst of all people, the most selfish.
17.2.09
Ahoy! And other Nautical expressions!
In liu of having been working on the spring fashion show, whose theme is Alice in Wonderland I'd like to put some Alice quotes that on the first read my simply seem silly, but on the second read may actually make some sense. Have a go!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible
Alice: You mean impossible
Doorknob:No, impassible. Nothings impossible
Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you shall be directed in the right direction.
Mad Hatter: Would you like more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't take less
Mad Hatter: yes, you can always take more than nothing
Mad Hatter: ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, than you shouldn't talk.
Alice: Better read it first, for if one drinks from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later
Alice:I was just wondering if you could help me find my way
Chesire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Chesire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be was it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be it would. You see?
Tweedle Dum: If you think we're waxworks you ought to pay, you know
Tweedle Dee: And if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us
Together: That's logic
Dodo: You'll never get dry that way
Alice: get dry?
Dodo: Have to run with the others. First rule of a caucus race, you know.
interesting no?
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible
Alice: You mean impossible
Doorknob:No, impassible. Nothings impossible
Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you shall be directed in the right direction.
Mad Hatter: Would you like more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't take less
Mad Hatter: yes, you can always take more than nothing
Mad Hatter: ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, than you shouldn't talk.
Alice: Better read it first, for if one drinks from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later
Alice:I was just wondering if you could help me find my way
Chesire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Chesire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be was it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be it would. You see?
Tweedle Dum: If you think we're waxworks you ought to pay, you know
Tweedle Dee: And if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us
Together: That's logic
Dodo: You'll never get dry that way
Alice: get dry?
Dodo: Have to run with the others. First rule of a caucus race, you know.
interesting no?
10.2.09
Me Being a Bad Person
I think I might be a bad person, ok I am a bad person. Here it is, in theory I should love my Lit professor, he always talks about thinking for one's self, questioning society, supporting difference and I'm all about that stuff but for some reason I can't STAND the guy! It took all my strength today not to stand up and chuck my notebook at his head yelling SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!! Maybe it's the tone of his voice, like he's all superior and smart (because he does talk that) and his whole talk about being intellectual (he talks constantly of Berkley, Cornell, and Harvard) I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I wish I did. I wish I knew why his voice grates on my nerves!! oh I feel bad. This sucks.
7.2.09
Good News
Ok, so I actually have some good news, I didn't want to say anything earlier for fear of jinxing it but a few weeks back I applied for a job at the school library, not long after I got a call for a interview. In my opinion the interview went great, it was laid back and a lot of fun casual talking. At the end they said they has some other interviews in the upcoming week so they would get back to me. I was desperately hoping to get the job all week and was a little worried because I went in with my red hair and forgot to take out my eyebrow ring and I thought they would want someone more professional looking and I was scared someone would make a better impression than me, however yesterday I got a call from the interview lady offering me (ME!) the job. YAAAY! WORK! She told me they had the other interview but I stood out so they gave the job to me. I can't believe I stood out. I feel invisible a lot of the time so being told that I stood out was a great boost for me! I'm so excited to be working in a library again!!!! (it will also be nice to making some money)I don't know when my first day is going to be yet, I have some paperwork to do first and some issues with a social security card to deal with but I'm just happy I actually got the job!! sooooo that's my update! wooooo!!!!
5.2.09
Up Early
I got up earlier than usual today (had a bloody nose this morning) so I'm writing. see me? see me writing? haha! Anyways on sucky news (is there any other kind) I got an email from housing saying I can have my room as a single, if I pay $500, which I can't so that's out even though it's the best option for me. I don't know anyone who wants to move and I don't want to move so I have to chose the option that if the school finds someone for me, then I get a roommate. Not my favourite choice but you know, I guess if that's what fate has in store for me then that's what will happen. Also Annie might be going to Germany next fall, which I think is cool but I wish she would put of until the year after next. If she goes I then get a German exchange living with me, and you can guess how comfortable I am living with people I don't know. Why do my living situations always get fucked up? Well nothings for sure, I have the tendency to always see the worst now. Partially because if I assume anything better, it never happens. Sorry Sorry I won't be depressing anymore!
Sooo......just putting it out there I found out the Apparel program has a New Zealand study abroad program and I'm seriously considering going the fall after next, for some reason I kinda just feel this pull coming from there, like it's one of the places I meant to go, maybe I'll go in a summer or something, I don't know it's just so green! I want to see it. I still am cautious about the cost and going alone (hey anyone go to New Zealand with me?!) well I have to leave for class soon so enjoy your day!
(I'll try not to sleep through mine haha)
Sooo......just putting it out there I found out the Apparel program has a New Zealand study abroad program and I'm seriously considering going the fall after next, for some reason I kinda just feel this pull coming from there, like it's one of the places I meant to go, maybe I'll go in a summer or something, I don't know it's just so green! I want to see it. I still am cautious about the cost and going alone (hey anyone go to New Zealand with me?!) well I have to leave for class soon so enjoy your day!
(I'll try not to sleep through mine haha)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)