The Semester Ends...

SOON!! Tomorrow for me actually! In between exams today so not done yet, right now hiding out from the freezing outdoor, it is -5 degrees out today! BRRRRR!!! I have to wear two scarves just to stay warm! Anyways, excitited for the end of the semester, excitited to be done with projects (like the portfolio pages which took me 10.5 hours yesterday :(...), Updates.....hmmmm....Mr. Big is back with young Natasha...don't want to discuss it...Living off campus next year! Might get a kitty too! (if our apt lets us have pets)...been listening to a lot of disney lately....thinking of projects to sew over break....found a new drawing style (very sketchy, lanking, and sometimes creepy...Wishing for Christmas miracles...hmm!

Ok something intresting,
Annie, her boyfriend Neil, and I got into a discussion this friday. Annie (who not really religious, was talking about how on a Christian show people were saying that Planned Parenthood is giving out gift certificates for abortions, which Planned Parenthood is indeed giving out gift certificates but I'm sure you know they do more than abortions, well this put a negative view of religions (and Christians) in Annie's heart. Understanbly one cannot disagree that sometime (quite wrongly) relgion can be used as weapon of distruction. This led into why people need religions, need God, and say that they are these awesome people and then close themselves off to so much.

so here I some of my thoughts on religions

It's not a bad thing to question religion, the more you question it the more objective your view is and the more it almost seems to make sense. It also seems that religion is best when it is PERSONAL. From the discussions we had religion can (but isn't always) dangerous when is it brought to the masses because then people get into that mob mentality but with faith. And to argue over which religion is right..POINTLESS!..People feel and see faith differently, there is no right way to see it. Some view God as an entity, I view God as an energy, who is to tell me I am wrong? We feel the same things but in different ways. Church gives people the same feeling nature and friends give me. I don't really know where I'm going with this (it's hard sometimes to make points when you haven't got anyone to bounce it off of) so I guess I leave this topic with the message of THINK, QUESTION!!! these are not bad things!

.......random note: Colors of the wind is really getting to me lately....I wish I were a Native American sometimes........

Other note: www.icanhascheezburger.com....>>>>>>very funny site if you like animals, especially kitties!


here are some of my favorites!!!

Suppose I Should.....

Talk about Thanksgiving. My family doesn't really do anything big or special (except make a lot of food)so there isn't much to really say. Thanksgiving's not really one of my favorite holidays, I can't eat too much without getting sick usually so that sucks. However, I did love having the break from school and in about 3 weeks I get a whole month off! yaaay! It was really nice being home this time around. I got to spend time with my favorite people :) A part of me wants to go into detail with the weekend but another part of me is just too tired right now to even try (and some of it's kinda personal) Scrubs starts up again while I'm home too so YAAY! wow I'm really feeling like I can't write right now, so I'm going to go.

Good Feeling Gone.

Well so much for that good feeling. Apparently God really just doesn't want me to be happy, everytime I feel like I'm getting there WHAM! oh well. What's been bugging me is a conversation I had with a classmate on Friday. I was talking to this freshman I really don't know but somehow got into a conversation with and she mentions how she's always known she's wanted to do fashion and truth be told I hate running into those people because I feel so unworthy around them since I DIDN'T always know I wanted to be in fashion. Anyways, so I trying to tell her how I got to this point and she kept cutting me off. As soon as I told her about my cafe idea I had awhile ago she told me it sounded dirty and gross. ok, she's already testing me. So I left that and went on to say I realized I didn't really want to sell everything I really wanted to sell clothes (of course meaning my clothes) and she cut me off again with "Selling? That's retail, are you retail?" "no" "oh well selling's retail" "I know but I want to make my clothes, have my own boutqiue" "are you a business minor?" "no" "oh you should be" this is kinda how are conversation went. It really pushed my buttons in a few ways. I'm going to make the assumption that this girl comes from a pretty wealthy family because she lives somewhere in the Milwaukee area but only apprieciates the rich areas and thinks KK (Kinnickinick) (wow didn't spell that right) is a bad area that her mother was afraid of. Now I've walked up and down KK a lot I never saw much danger there, sure it's no gated community but it's not the north side either. So that got me believing she's a blessed child. Anyways I'm trying to explain Fasten to her (but of course she can't get over that it's on KK "eww")she didn't seem to hear me, everything I tried to say to she rebuttled before I even had a chance to explain and I hate when people do that because they really don't know what your talking about but they feel they have the right to shut you down. This does not sit well with me. She even told me that for becoming a designer I should go to Mount Mary (which is 20 grand a year) because Stout is more corportaion oriented, which is true but Stout is more hands on which I love (and it's affordable...ish) I blantely told her I did not have the money to go there and she said they have good scholorships (of course none of which I am guarenteed) and this time I got to shut her down and just said "no there's no way I can afford it" she looked kinda confused when I said that, talk about sheltered. I think what hurt me the most is when I tried to explain that all I want is a small boutique she talked as if that ok if I didn't mind being poor (ok she didn't say poor directly but I knew what she meant) and it's the WAY she said it, like owning a small boutique wasn't good enough or as if now that she knew that about me I was suddenly a lesser person. I wonder, when did just wanting enough suddenly become not enough? Why is it everyone's mission these day is to be rich and have a big house and all that junk. I've learned lately that living more simply isn't a bad thing. Sure I still want a nice home and car, I mean I want enough to live by but I don't need a lot of money and just because I don't want a lot of money or fame doesn't make me crazy, does it? Should I really feel bad for not wanting everything? What happened to living simply so that others may simply live? I'm a really casual person and belong in constant casual settings, I like being my own boss and deciding what's right for me, I like unique and individual things, does this make less worthy? Her opinion shouldn't bother me either, but what she said and how she said it really hurt me, made me feel stupid for wanting to live commonly. I want to be a real person real people can talk to and being famous doesn't make that easy. I want to make people who feel like me feel good about it and not second class because they're different. I want to change the world piece by piece from bottom up. But suddenly now these days that just not good enough and if that's what you want then you get that wierd stare from people and really I hate that it still bothers me but can't people understand how easy it is offend someone and tear them down? It especially hurts when it comes from people who don't even take the time to listen to you they just start tearing down your idea as soon as the first word leaves your mouth. I also told her other jobs I would like are a piercing or tattto artist but that I didn't follow that because I like clothes better and I could just see her cringe behind me thinking probably of how "dirty" that was. AHHHH now I'm just pissed and hurt! Why is what I want never good enough? I deal with all the time and I'm so sick of people looking down on me because of how I view the world, my life in it, and where I want to be, who I want to be, what I want out of life, and how I get there. No matter what I do I'm always the outsider, the freak, the lunatic, will I ever be good enough in life? Will I ever get respect?

Music Everywhere!

Music has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been basking in the wonder of how songs (with or without words) can touch us so much and such affects on people. Some songs I listen to and this feeling of awakening washes over me, a feeling that wishes I could speak so truthfully and elquently. Part of this is brought on by the Cloud Cult concert Annie, Neil, and I went to. I've never heard Cloud Cult until that day at the concert and I fell for their words (and the cool idea they have of having people painting during the concerts and then auctioning the paintings off afterwards) I wish I had some good pics of the band but they are all super blurry so I won't even bother posting them. But again, there is one song that I'm just so attracted to.....here it is...

Cloud Cult-Journey of the Featherless

Got myself a mission
I'm going to find heaven
I made crepe paper wings
I think they'll carry me awhile

I left you a love poem
The best I have written
My favorite words
Were the ones I couldn't spell

They say I'm a lunatic
They say I am full of it
I say that it's worth dreaming
Just for the dream of it

It's all about passion
It's all about perception
Don't call me on my cellphone
'Cause there ain't no reception

When I'm gone
When I'm gone

I think I'm growing feathers
But I'm not quite sure of it
'Cause I started getting dizzy
About a hundred feet up

I made friends with the clouds
I made friends with the birds
If you ask a goose a question
He never shuts up

And honestly I miss you
And I hope that your missing me
'Cause I could use your lips on me
And a little bit of Dramamine

For the moment I can see
Way better than I've ever seen
Don't sell my stuff on Ebay
'Cause I might be back before I'm gone

Before I'm gone

I'm not the kind of man
Who's into looking downward
I drank my share of pity
From the bartender's cup

So many people Wondering "What's the right direction"
As far as I'm concerned
There's only one way up

And my fingers, they are blisters
And my eyes, they are bullet holes
But my heart's still beating
Guess I'm pretty lucky
I'm not sure what it is about the song but when I hear it I feel it's so true for me or at least a place where I wish I could be...I'm having a moment here where I just feel like smiling because I think of my friends and how lucky I am to have ALL of them because none of them are completely alike and I love that! So many different funny moments with each and I know they all love me and care for me deeply. Sometimes I feel I don't return their love enough but I will die trying! I don't think having a "movie life" is impossible to gain, we all have moments that were sure only ever happen in the movies and yet it's my life. I really wish I felt like this all the time, especially since nothing really good happened today and I still have a outdoor kickball game at 11 that I'm not looking forward to. I think just looking forward to going home and seeing everyone just has me in smiles! Going home is so much more fun when you have time to miss it! haha! So laugh today or tomorrow, or the day after it, everyone needs it. It's wonderful to feel like this, oh I hope it lasts! (at least just for a bit) to end this whole thing I am posting a video I found recently that's kinda old...since Danielle is like the only person who reads this blog I feel no guilt in posting this!

Spring Fever

So I saw my friend Danielle posted some updates (including her spring schedule) up on her weblog, not one to being beaten out I must post a "retaliation" blog where I get to boast about my spring schedule (which is finally complete) I ALSO have NO Friday classes (not even costume shop hours) however I am not in any theatre major whatsoever. You should know by now I am an APPAREL DEVELOPMENT AND DESIGN MAJOR. I still have to pick a concentration which is bugging me because I want to lean towards construction but I don't want to work in a factory. Oh well I'll decide later. so here it is my wonderfully much better schedule than Danielle's (kidding!)

Monday's and Wednesday's!!!
10:10-12:10 Pattern Development
12:20-1:15 Fundamentals of Speech

Tuesday's and Thursday's!!!
9:40-11:05 Cultural Anthropolgy
11:15-12:40 Recent American Literature
1:25-2:20 Packaging and Society
2:30-4:00 Fashion Industry

16 credits total....I'm not sure I need the Lit class but I felt like taking it anyways. I really wanted to take a Sign Language coarse but they only offered Sign Language 2 not Sign Language 1 next semester. I was also going to take Line Development (which means garment line not drawing line) but funny enough they weren't offereing that one either (suck!) So I'm pretty syked for next semester.NEW CLASSES YAYA!! I also finished my pants yesterday and they are now being graded and hopefully will be heading for home on the 24th! I thinks that's mainly it. Oh yea! I passed the CPR certification test too! yaaay I can save lives!

And I Can I Hope It Will Be Worth What I Give Up

I'm pretty sure I am a masochist. I constantly hurt myself and am drawn to what I know will hurt me in the end. I've doomed myself, however while it truly sucks sometimes there are times when I feel I have come to terms with where I know my life is going to end up. Fate doesn't have it for me to be happy. I will graduate, move, own my own little store and live alone with little money till I die (ok I'll probably have a couple of dogs ...:)...) I'm nothing special and probably won't ever be but I kind of control that. I can't force my heart to feel things it does not but I give up the prospect of being with another, or feeling complete with anyone else. I've lost the war, God doesn't love me enough, I'm not good enough but at least I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up, standing up for what I believe. I believe in my heart and I choose to stupidly opptimistic and have the kind of hope nobody else has these days (except for those who have what I do not). I do believe in love, not for me, but for the world. It hurts but I am beginning to reconginze that I will never have love and I will die alone being laughed at for being an idiot but I will know that I stayed true to my heart, which is the only thing I can do. I am an idiot, I am ignornant, I am a masochist, and I am one of the few who give up everything for what I believe, what I feel and I can only hope that it will be worth what I give up

Skirt Pictures....Long Time Coming

ok I finally got some pics of my skirt...I look pretty stupid in most of them but the important part is the SKIRT THAT I MADE FROM SCRATCH!!!!!!! (go me go me it's not my birthday yet but go me go meeee)

Too Much T.V. (probably)

I've been a lot of Sex and the City lately (for lack of anything better to watch) and found myself bringing the characters into my life. Margie being actually a composite of Samantha and Miranda having the sensuality of Samantha but the feminist ways and strong build of Miranda. Danielle is with no doubt Charloette living in a novel romance and wanting nothing less. Maybe it's becaue it's my life but I would be Carrie, constantly trying to figure out life and the people in it. Also because like Carrie I constantly battle with my own Mr. Big. Going back and forth never over, always finding each other. It's wierd how things connect like that. If only life was like a T.V. show and in the end the I would know that the writers would be me and Mr. Big together. Where's the fast forward button in real life? Why does fate have it in for me. I do believe in a reason for everything but I won't deny that everything sucks right now. (ok maybe just my love life sucks right now but that's a really big part for me) GAH! if only I could think of something else, but no I'm fucked. forever fucked over by God and fate. Thanks guys. I just hate those days when I feel like something is going on, something is changing that I'm not aware of. Fuck my intuition! what has it done for me? I just wish I could wake up one of these days and feel like I have a purpose, like I'm needed here. Grow up Mr. Big! really come on! stupid men. >_< stupid me.

And The Winner Is......

BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!!! :D So lets work with Obama and be the change we want to be. I'm ready to change the world, are you?

Election Day-Actually Important

Most of the people who know me know that I'm not really politically active. However over the past couple of monthes I've been learning the importantance of having a voice. I realize now not voting before didn't mean I wasn't saying anything, in fact I was choosing to support whoever won because by not voting I voted to not have a say in the matter (if that makes sense) however today I voted for the first time! I was proud to have a voice and even helped campaign not only for a candidate but for simply voting and it felt great. I was part of a group that stood in a long line silently for 15 with posters, it was soooooo positive! I think as I grow, as a person and simply grow older, it's much more apparent that if I don't like how things are I have to stand up and say something and find others who think positivly like me. Point is I VOTED and you should too! because when we stand together there really can be a change and even the smallest voice should have the right to speak.

Halloween Weekend!!

Came back from Madison yesterday. It was pretty fun down there, there was some bumps in the road due to funsuckers but everything went pretty well I guess. I don't feel like posting any pictures so if you want some pictures of my Madison adventure just leave me a comment with your email and send them to you (close friends of mine) I went out both Friday and Saturday and feel kinda sick now but oh well! Friday I was the ipod dance ad which people either got or didn't get and it was a pretty fun costume I will admit. Saturday I really didn't feel like doing the whole getup all over again so i dressed in pretty much my normal clothes, put on my cokebottle sunglasses and went as a hippie. State street was ok, but it would have been really worth it to go if I was 21. I hade to pay $10 just to walk around but getting to see everyone elses costumes was pretty cool. I really didn't get smashed either night because I don't drink liquer because I don't like having my head in the toilet but it was still fun, dancing and singing as we walked around. I saw two (!) Todds from Scrubs (yaaaaay) and a Rude Boy (!!!) he was really happy to meet someone who knew what he was (because I guess I was the only person who got it :D) that made me happy, I haven't met anyone whose watched Scrubs or knows what Ska is since I came to Menomonie and sure I won't see them again becuase they are in Madison but if felt good to be around people like me if only for a short while. I still wonder if I'll ever really fit in anywhere completly. I love Menomonie but that empty place inside just won't go away and while I have friends I have no one to watch movies or shows with and no one to go to concerts with (especially Ska concerts) which sucks majorly. But there's time left yet for that, I'm not giving up, not just yet. :D

If My Heart Could Write Songs It Would Sound Like This

I was with Annie yesterday and she played me the most amazing song, later that night I listened to so much there's just something about it that hits me hard. It's beautiful

This is for someone I will always love with every piece of myself

The Story by Brandi Carlile

All these lines across my face
tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
and how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
when you got no one to tell them to
it's true I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and broke all the rules
but baby I broke them all for you
because even when I was flat broke
you made me feel like a million bucks
you do
I was made for you

You see the smile on my mouth
it's hiding the words that don't come out
All of our firends who think I'm blessed
they don't know that it is a mess
No They don't know who I really am
and they don't know what I've been through
like you do
I was made for you

All of lines across my face
Tell the you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
and how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
when you got no one to tell them to
It's true I was made for you
It's true I was made for you

Long Time No Writing

to my faithful and interested readers! sorry I haven't updated in so long, things here have been hectic! Tests in 2 classes this week, 2 tests in one class next week, 3 projects currently at least 2 of which I am behind. crap. I still worry that sometimes college isn't for me but I don't know other times I know it is. I know that I need this base before I go out into the real world and make a fool of myself. I just wish my major didn't cost so much money. Besides tuition I have to supply all fabric, tools, and patterns myself. I know I shouldn't expect the school to pay for my supplies but it just sucks when you don't really have the money ya know! On the funny side....I've joined the kickball team! It's really a "just for fun" team so I'm not too worried about sucking (which I know I will) Oh! and I've finished my skirt! Sorry I didn't finish my following of it, it just got to complicated to explain. But as soon as I get it back I'll post pictures and everyone can stare at awe of my work hahaha. Looking forward to next semester and the fashion show. I'm one the stage commmittee heads so I get to plan out the stage and how it will look. IT. IS. GOING. TO. BE. AWESOME. The theme the dark side of Alice in Wonderland, so the stage is going to be kinda creepy and trippy. yeaaaaaah! Anyways other than a lot of freakin schoolwork not much is going on. Apparently I might going with some friends to Madison for Halloween and my friend Matt thought of the perfect costume for me. ok ready? I am going to be the ipod ad person! swweeet! it's gonna be crazy fun. I hope.

Time Keeps On Slippin

So I finished a cd project for Relaxation today, literally right before class started. This is not me. I told myself to do it over the weekend or by Monday afternoon at the latest. However Monday my computer broke down on me so I had to give it up for two hours in the afternoon (the two hours I would have been using to work on my project) so I procrastenated another project until today so I could do the cd Monday night, and I got nowhere in 3.5 hours. Stupid internet in the dorms is going shit slow and keeps knocking me off. Finally I get so frustrated I give up for the night. I hate doing stuff at the LAST minute (I don't mind doing stuff at the second to last minute though) but this is what it's come down too, stupid internet, so me and the internet are currently not speaking. AND I finally got a TV! BUT there's no cable plug in on my side of the room and my roommate's using her side fully (plus she's never watches TV) SOOOOO so much for being able to watch my shows now :( Since Thursday there hasn't been a lot of ups. some, but not a lot. not enough. I'm done having a crappy life, appparently God's not done giving me one though. I know I shouldn't blame him, but it's so much easier. I just don't understand why it's so hard to be happy for me, like full happy to the point where you feel like you are bathing in it, I feel like I can hardly get a sip. I love it at Stout don't get me wrong, but I still feel empty like something's missing..............

Re-fell in love with Craig Armstrong today and for some reason can't get enough of this song....it's like he's singing for me :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqKaZCaAykM

Career Conference

So I had to go to a Career Conference the school holds every year for an assignment for 101. Now, had I been really looking for an internship I probably would've been way excited, and it was still really cool but I felt weird asking about internships and working when I really wasn't going to act on anything. However I got to talk to Target which I love, not only for what they sell but how they work with communities and are eco friendly. It's strange to think about working for such a big company for me, I'm NOT ruling it out it's just a little strange is all, proof that I have no idea where I might end up. Still going through career conference I thought about how much I want to be an independent desginer doing my own work and putting it out there for people who want it. I guess the whole corperate idea just scares me. I don't know if I'm exactly anti-corperation but I've always had a different flow and being a part of that feels off in a way. I don't know, we'll see. Maybe someday Elly Liebsch will be working for Coperate America, hahaha oh boy America better watch out...when I get there......hehehehehe

Making the Skirt part 1

ok, for my own nostalgic reasons and becauase I want to feel important I am going to take you through most the of processes that I will be doing to make my skirt. First pick out a pattern (I am doing skirt D the short pink one) and fabric. True up your fabric before you start anything (this simply means to make sure the fibers in the weave are perpendicular to each other) fix it if you have to by pulling on the bias (pulling the fabric diagonally) then make sure the salveges are even (or very close to) and your fabric is pretty much ready. Ok so once you have the pattern (and of course your body measurments) you can pick which size to do. This is actually a pretty tricky part to explain so I won't go into details remember however, sizes for patterns will most likely be bigger than the sizes you buy from the store SO DON'T BUY THAT SIZE go by body measurments to pick your pattern size. *some of the size difference comes from seam allowance* So now I've got my pattern, my size, my necessary pieces cut out (I won't go through alterations either because I didn't have to do any yet), and my fabric ready. So I ironed my pattern pieces because they got wrinking from being folded and carried around. You may also need to iron your fabric if that's wrinkly, sometimes it's good to prelaunder it too in case of shrinkage. (whew there's so much to do before you get to even sew) Once that's all done pin the pieces to your fabric, the instructions with the pattern will show you how to lay them out most effectively but I haven't follwed that yet. In any case make sure to look at it so you know how to place certain pieces that may not be on grain. Most pieces (all of mine) are pinned with the grain (the dominate weave (horizontal or vertical)) some may have to be placed on the fold to so DON'T CUT THE FOLD, unless told too. Make sure your grain line on the pattern piece is parallel to the edge of the fabric or you piece won't be on grain. After pinning you get to CUT (exciting!) the process is a little nerve racking for me, but fun becuase you finally feel like your getting somewhere! Lay your pattern pieces in neat piles and tada! that's it for now because that's all I've done so far!

whew.

don't worry there's more. >_<

On other notes, can't WAIT till Halloween I just want to see my friends again. There's something about your friends none of them are really the same, so it's akward because up here no one gets the jokes that I usually tell and no one really likes the same things as my old friends. BUT I'm not complaining. I really like the friends I've made here, Carissa and I got way closer over the weekend which I like because Annie spends a lot of time with Matt, who I'm sure doesn't care for me (why I don't know) who cares, I spend time with everyone and enjoy it! Classes are good, I always have the feeling I have so much to do yet nothing to do at all. Weird. Oh I wish it was next year, I want to have a house so bad, and I really want a dog next year. I know just KNOW I shouldn't get one but I'll cave, because I love dogs. Besides dogs always love you and I want someone to love me. Something I still haven't found here. oh well I don't care that much. Except if that excuse makes it okay for me to get a DOG! Also I applied for the head of a couple committee's for the fashion show SAS puts on. Funny enough they want me as a committee head but not for any of the postions I applied for (which was music, garments, and modeling) instead they want me a Stage Committee head which means I help design and put up the set for the runway. I find and request all the materials that we need to run the show (lights, sound) and work with those people to find the best lighting and such. At first I kinda freaked out because I wanted soooooooo badly to be music committee head and it seems I've done a lot of failing at things since I got here so I felt like I failed (again.) I kinda feel excited now. I'm really dedicated and have alot of passion, in fact I feel like set is a pretty big part of the show. Whoo hoo! wow. ok. I really want to take a shower but won't yet. mmmmm.

p.s. guess who's getting new hair sometime soon(ish)

oh yea.

me.

just wait.

bet you can't.

neither can I.

Construction Project 1-DONE!

ok, so for our first project in construction we made a tote bag, I made mine out of duck cloth which I like but was a pain for the pattern we used. It took me one full hour to turn the straps right side out after sewing them. Pressing was also tricky with this fabric (actually pressing is always a little tricky). It took two days of lab hours and two different pockets but I eventually got it done. We also did a boxed X stitch (which is infact a box with a X in it) on the straps however the duck cloth was too thick to fit under the foot of the machine so I sewed mine on by hand stitching and instead of doing a regular box did a cross stitch box with a X in it. I also sewed some patches on mine to both hide the quality of my stitching (not good) and spruce it up! I surprisingly got a 9.2 out of 10 on the bag so I'm really happy. I was getting the feeling that maybe, even though I love sewing, I was just no good at it and so not cut out for it. It really sucks to have that feeling but I have to keep telling myself that practice will make it better. hopefully. Halloween is coming soon and I still have no idea what I should be, my fallback in case I don't come up with anything is Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. or perhaps Ms. White from Clue. who knows. Costumes for me are a big deal (ok anything dealing with clothes is a big deal for me) so if I do Halloween it's all or nothing! On another note, in textiles (a class in which I am doing better than I thought I would be) we have a project due October 20th sounds like a lot of time but really it's a big freakin project so it's not much time really. It's fun though to work on, we have a list of woven fabrics and have to find them in magazines or the internet, print the picture and the caption explaining it, define the fabric used, explain why they used that fabric and if it was a good choice or not. We have to do this 25 times. FUN! yet not fun. On other notes school on a whole is good, making friends, got a new roomate, loving my major! It feels wierd for the most part I'm happy but I miss my friends at home, no one here is quite as crazy as them. It's just so fresh here, I can really feel my life moving forward. Being far from home is lonely sometimes but here I feel that a part of me just belongs. I like it. I'm growing up to be the person I want to be. Someone who still can see the world through a child's eye but has the smarts of an adult. ahh. This felt good. I would keep talking but the studying I must do is nagging in the back of my mind. So I should do it, I guess.

P.S. next up a flouncy skirt in a tweed like material FUN!!!! (this time I'll document the process)

Taking It In

I am learning, I am learning that I know nothing. Well not nothing but a lot of things! Cool thing is I'm really excited to learn, something I have not felt since I started college so this is good! I'm really trying to get involved too, but no too involved. I still need me time. This is a weird feeling for me, I'm enjoying college. If my friends were here, I don't think I could be happier! It's weird, I feel at home here and I thinks it's because I feel like I'm really following my dream, this time when I think about my future I don't imagine some circumstance getting me out like I did when I thought about being a CSI (I always would imagine myself getting shot and not being able to go back to work) When I see my future I actually see myself doing what I am studying to become. And when I say it "I am a desginer" I feel a rush through me veins. Red Wine Clothing Company is on its way!

Starting the Journey

ok, the about me will tell I guess, about me! So the start of my journey through Fashion begins with a change of college and major. I started at UW-Milwaukee with a Criminal Justice major which changed to Business which then changed to going to UW-Stout for Apparel Development and Design! whew what a road! And let me tell you transfering is not a fun process, I don't like feeling like a freshman all over again and even more so dislike that not all my credits transfered over and I'm stuck taking classes I tested out of before, boo. Overall however, I am estactic about the change and liking it so much more at a smaller school that seems to offer much more than it's larger counterpart. Here we get new laptops that are replaced every two years, can rent instead of buy books and professors actually get to know students! The dorms aren't as up-to-date, but that doesn't bother me so much. Admittedly I'm not a huge public shower fan, so the longer I can go without stinking the better! So let me tell you about Apparel, it's going to be hard hard work I can tell but I'm exicted for it. When your doing something your really passionate about work isn't as much work! Classes have started and the reading is piling up fast and assignments are being handed out. Construction and Textiles are going to be very tricky to handle. The professor in Textiles supposes that there will be 8 hours of work a week to do outside of class at least. wohoo. I'm a little scared, nervous, and stressed going into this because I want so much to do really well, I want to be on top, but what if I suck? Then what am I going to do with my life. ugh. Hopefully my Relaxation class will help keep my stress to a bare minimum. I love having random classes like that yay! Construction should be fun too. Making a tote bag, skirt, pant, and shirt. Hopefully I'll come out of that class knowing what the hell I'm doing with a sewing machine. If not uh oh! Besides school, I'm just thinking of how to get money and worse how to spend it. I have a horrible tattoo and hair dying addiction. My bright red hair is lasting wonderfully so I'm not to worried about that right now but my tattoo/piercing addition is starting to itch again (and I just got two tattoos in August!) luckily right now I have no extra money (or money at all) and no income so any spending on me is out the question, but what happens when I get a job? Can't someone just tattoo me for free? oh boy here we go again, but tats later class now!