Your good qualities! They're on your back! For about 2 years I've been a lost little girl, I've taken big steps but I am by no means done finding out who I am. It's important that people see thier good qualities but this is very hard for me because it's like good qualities are on our backs it's easy to see what other people have and it can make you feel so plain, boring, and jelousy grows because it's impossible to see your own good qualities on your back. I don't know why but I seem to have a harder time with this than most people. It doesn't help that I don't like praising myself, telling myself I did a good job. I can tell myself that I worked hard but all that hard work summounted to something that was mediocre (if that). But I can see the all the good qualities in my friends (it's not hard, they have so many!!). This weekend at home was really quite wonderful, I love my friends and family!! I got to spend a night at my brothers apartment hanging out with him and my sister, I love them so much! I am so blessed to have them as my siblings! I was the youngest but my brother and my sister were always very nice to me! It was a lot of fun to hang out with them and I hope to do it some more come winter break. Seeing my friends was truly a blessing too! I won't lie because thier lives are moving forward so fast it easy to see what I don't have when I am around them. It's silly I know, but I can't help but to compare and constantly come up short. My life is constantly high stress but I rapidly getting used to it (getting used to it does not mean enjoying it hahaha!) No am I so blessed to be at Stout! The school is not the hardest but the program is intense to make sure that I am prepared for a job right out of graduation! Under a pile of work that is sometimes hard to see but I guess it is out there somewhere, haha I believe it when I am closer! I've only been doing apparel for about a year and half and while I've learned a lot much of my focus is on all that I have left to learn. I'm not top of my class, I doubt I ever will be but that doesn't mean I'm not still learning! I'm by no means good at all though yet. I've much to learn and perfect and it will probably take me my entire life! I don't know where the sadness in my heart came from, nothing sad ever really happened to me but still I know a part of my heart is sad, has been for a long time. I first noticed a sadness I couldn't explain back in 7th grade when I tried (empahsis on tried) writing poetry and it was all very sad and dark. I don't know why? I've never been able to discover what made this sadness but I know I don't want it anymore. I've had a great life and it's high time I start apprieciating it and stop being such an ungrateful bitch. I may not be where I wish I was in life, my dreams may be bigger than I can ever accomplish but I don't want this tainted heart anymore. I want a good heart, a pure heart. I must not think bad things about people anymore! no more judging, no more categorizing! hmmm....this isn't going to be easy, but I want to be a good person!
God help me.
30.11.09
24.11.09
23.11.09
Weekends Go By Way To Fast
48 Hours
7 Hours of sleep
That's what my weekend was! And it's bound to be a late night tonight but that's okay, that's what I signed up for right? What's more important is that it's taking me so long to finish this project because I'm working so hard on it. And I do have to say I like it! I like the clothes I've done! I'm worried (as always) that Kim won't like it (she never usually likes my designs) but after talking to Annie I'm trying to remember that grades aren't really all that important. What's important is that I give it my all and I like what I'm doing because in the end Kim's not going to hire me, so I can't make all my designs to what she likes. It might mean getting B's on all my project, I think I can handle that. The good thing is that I have the drive to take the time to do all the little extra stuff. I have extra designs, extra colors, extra free gifts and accessories. Hmm instead of trying to explain why don't I just show you what I've been working on
PRESENTING FURUBA CHILDREN'S WEAR (TODDLER) BY PINK ELEPHANT CLOTHING CO!
All in all I'm pretty happy with it, Hopefully I'll put up the croqis when I'm done with them (sometime tommarrow morning probably haha)
I'm happy to be going home for Thanksgiving too
I love it up here but I do miss my family (even though they drive me crazy) and my friends (until they all move away!) Plus my cuz is driving me home so that will be fun! Mostly I think I like the space of home (and ok I won't like I miss my sisters dog Veda)
...or maybe I just can't wait to sleep again. haha
7 Hours of sleep
That's what my weekend was! And it's bound to be a late night tonight but that's okay, that's what I signed up for right? What's more important is that it's taking me so long to finish this project because I'm working so hard on it. And I do have to say I like it! I like the clothes I've done! I'm worried (as always) that Kim won't like it (she never usually likes my designs) but after talking to Annie I'm trying to remember that grades aren't really all that important. What's important is that I give it my all and I like what I'm doing because in the end Kim's not going to hire me, so I can't make all my designs to what she likes. It might mean getting B's on all my project, I think I can handle that. The good thing is that I have the drive to take the time to do all the little extra stuff. I have extra designs, extra colors, extra free gifts and accessories. Hmm instead of trying to explain why don't I just show you what I've been working on
PRESENTING FURUBA CHILDREN'S WEAR (TODDLER) BY PINK ELEPHANT CLOTHING CO!
All in all I'm pretty happy with it, Hopefully I'll put up the croqis when I'm done with them (sometime tommarrow morning probably haha)
I'm happy to be going home for Thanksgiving too
I love it up here but I do miss my family (even though they drive me crazy) and my friends (until they all move away!) Plus my cuz is driving me home so that will be fun! Mostly I think I like the space of home (and ok I won't like I miss my sisters dog Veda)
...or maybe I just can't wait to sleep again. haha
16.11.09
Apologies
Apologies about exploding on you the other day. I was just so frustrated. Annie did the dishes later that day. I seem to be underestimating people this year, not a good quality, but I'm afraid when I overestimate the only person who gets hurt is me. Right not I'm gleefully putting off homework (though that isn't a good thing either haha). I'm just tired of drawing something I'm not even going to use for my project (like the 6 boy crouqis were assigned to). I feel like I should have some more interesting things to say but I don't right now my apologies! Except that it's certainly getting cooler up here, not something I'm enjoying! And I have about 2-3 weeks worth of laundry to do! I was supposed to last week but my car was in the shop and I didn't want to walk to the laundry mat so I put if off (except now I'm running low on clothes!) I think I'm going to do a GET INSPIRED once a week where I'll put up photos or things that inspire me and see what you can do with them, It doesn't have to be fashion but let something inspire you do anything! haha hopefully I'll start that soon!
good idea? no? haha
good idea? no? haha
15.11.09
I'm trying not to complain but....
Let me preface this entry with two facts
1. I like my roommates (most the time).
2. I love living in an apartment (all the time).
My roommates are horrible horrible liars. I might have mentioned before breifely that Annie and I had a talk about cleaning the apartment (especially dishes). That no longer was I to be the lone dishwasher and that we would take turns each doing a "load" of dishes per day. I forgot my roommates are horrible horrible liars. This week turned out to me doing the dishes, I did not do them everyday but I was the only one who did dishes at all this week (both being pretty big loads of dishes). Now Sunday comes and the sink is overflowing of dishes that haven't been done since Thursday (I believe, it could've Wednesday) Talk about disgusting! A good portion of those dishes aren't even mine. I have it, my roommate are basically useless and I'm afraid I might lose my mind and hurt them while thier sleeping someday. Now I am going to start doing the healthy thing. After this month I am distancing myself from them. No more community shopping, I'm buying my own food. No more community dishes (I'll do my own and that's it). If their not going to play by the rules then why should I? If their not going to try to be nice then why should I? This isn't the first time Annie's promised me something and hasn't followed through and it's one of my biggest pet peeves to jerked around like that, it's not fair to me! So I've had it. I refuse to do the mass of dishes that are piling up, someone else can take care of them I won't do it. I'm going to admit that that is very hard for me. Above all else I demand a clean kitchen and bathroom. But I'm no ones mother here and I'm sick of cleaning only to hear them say "i was going to do it" no you weren't. If you were going to do you would have. Another big argument I hear for not washing the dishes immediatly after use is "I don't have time." Do they honestly think I have more time than they do! My roommates are in bed by 10:30 most nights while I'm up working till midnight most nights. Well then yes obviously I have more time right? I'm sorry for raging but I'm fed up with empty promises. The next promise Annie makes to me I'll probably laugh at because it won't happen, I know it won't.
The worst feeling is that I'm trying to be nicer to them than they are to me. And they don't even care. I wish my friends went to school here and I could live with them. At least they wouldn't shunt me.
now I'm sad that the loneliest place is my apartment, and I've signed up to do this a whole nother year, what have I gotten myself into? Maybe Annie will go to Germany and I'll get to get myself a new roomie, one that won't break my heart so much. And won't buy $5.00 milk.
I've got to go now and get rid of these ugly feelings.
1. I like my roommates (most the time).
2. I love living in an apartment (all the time).
My roommates are horrible horrible liars. I might have mentioned before breifely that Annie and I had a talk about cleaning the apartment (especially dishes). That no longer was I to be the lone dishwasher and that we would take turns each doing a "load" of dishes per day. I forgot my roommates are horrible horrible liars. This week turned out to me doing the dishes, I did not do them everyday but I was the only one who did dishes at all this week (both being pretty big loads of dishes). Now Sunday comes and the sink is overflowing of dishes that haven't been done since Thursday (I believe, it could've Wednesday) Talk about disgusting! A good portion of those dishes aren't even mine. I have it, my roommate are basically useless and I'm afraid I might lose my mind and hurt them while thier sleeping someday. Now I am going to start doing the healthy thing. After this month I am distancing myself from them. No more community shopping, I'm buying my own food. No more community dishes (I'll do my own and that's it). If their not going to play by the rules then why should I? If their not going to try to be nice then why should I? This isn't the first time Annie's promised me something and hasn't followed through and it's one of my biggest pet peeves to jerked around like that, it's not fair to me! So I've had it. I refuse to do the mass of dishes that are piling up, someone else can take care of them I won't do it. I'm going to admit that that is very hard for me. Above all else I demand a clean kitchen and bathroom. But I'm no ones mother here and I'm sick of cleaning only to hear them say "i was going to do it" no you weren't. If you were going to do you would have. Another big argument I hear for not washing the dishes immediatly after use is "I don't have time." Do they honestly think I have more time than they do! My roommates are in bed by 10:30 most nights while I'm up working till midnight most nights. Well then yes obviously I have more time right? I'm sorry for raging but I'm fed up with empty promises. The next promise Annie makes to me I'll probably laugh at because it won't happen, I know it won't.
The worst feeling is that I'm trying to be nicer to them than they are to me. And they don't even care. I wish my friends went to school here and I could live with them. At least they wouldn't shunt me.
now I'm sad that the loneliest place is my apartment, and I've signed up to do this a whole nother year, what have I gotten myself into? Maybe Annie will go to Germany and I'll get to get myself a new roomie, one that won't break my heart so much. And won't buy $5.00 milk.
I've got to go now and get rid of these ugly feelings.
13.11.09
A slow down
ok, so this week has been pretty busy, not as bad as orginally thought as I changed some plans to better accomdate some time. For instance, now that menswear is done we are starting on Childrenswear, which believe it or not I am actually pretty excited for! I've got my inspiration and ideas I just have to put it together. My inspiration is (get ready for it...) FRUITS BASKET! Yes, the japenese anime series that I started in high school has made its revival back into my life. The cutness of the characters and the fantastical story line really get to me and I think it would be perfect and bright and cute for children. The line will be entitled "Furuba" which is the shortened name for Fruits Basket used in Japan. It will be alot of pastels and pinks whoo! Something new! It's funny that I realize menswear is not my forte but the women's wear I do usually isn't very girly either,hahah, and I fall between the cracks again. Anyways back to what I was orginally saying is that I wanted to take an early bus home on Tuesday for Thanksgiving but thanks to this new project being due that day and work it would just be too much hassle to shove it all in, so I decided to take the later bus and give myself a little break (not much of one but I can have four extra days to work on the project if I had taken the other route). I'm still decideding whether to concentrate in Design or Development, it's really only a difference of a couple classes so it's not a big deal or anything but I should decide that soon because it will help decide where I go for an internship too. I've been thinking a lot lately about doing theatrical design which means hopefully I can intern at a theatre (or for the movie in L.A.!)which brought me to another thought that if my life needed me to move to New York or California I think I would do it. Which brought me a realization, most of my life has been "I'll never do that!" When it comes down to it though I am the biggest hypocrite because I said I'd never wear jeans again and now that's almost all I wear, and I have a pair of slip on tennis shoes (sketchers!) which I thought I'd never own. The thing to look at here isn't my hipocracy but that you never know where life will take you and if you'll like it or not. The only thing to do is try, try, try until you get it right, now you might be thinking for saying this I'm an even bigger hypcrite will I do try but the other important thing I think is to NOT FORCE TRYING. If you start to force your life you'll just be unhappy and confused to as why. When you're ready and life gives you the option I think there's no reason to back down except cowardness. But it's like math if one or both the components are missing it doesn't work. So my advice to everyone, keep your head up, eyes open, walk forward, and life will give you the option to succeed if you see it and you want it, take it. If not, keep in my that there was a reason you passed something by, even if that very same thing works out for someone else, there is something better for you coming. (speaks the hypocrite).
Speaking of Menswear here are some flats from my project (the crouqis(apparel term for drawn models) were pretty fucking hideous so I'm leaving those out
The Inspiration: Music-Bob Dylan, Bob Marley (fight the power stuff)
The Name of the Line: Hi-FI By Pink Elephant of course!
The Elephant is the logo Annie drew for me YaY!
Whadda think?
more later!
Speaking of Menswear here are some flats from my project (the crouqis(apparel term for drawn models) were pretty fucking hideous so I'm leaving those out
The Inspiration: Music-Bob Dylan, Bob Marley (fight the power stuff)
The Name of the Line: Hi-FI By Pink Elephant of course!
The Elephant is the logo Annie drew for me YaY!
Whadda think?
more later!
9.11.09
Promise to me
I promised myself that I would update this week but it seems like it's going to be a busy busy week so I've got to update fast.
Still working on my Menswear line which is do tommorrow, I feel an all nighter coming up
SAS meeting today talked with Ellie (an friend of mine) of how SAS should be changed, sick of some things SAS lets by.
Still trying to desgin 2nd piece for show, must complete them both over winter break
Working out next semester schedule....think I'll do rock climbing over aerobic dance.
still trying to get second job, going to try to get a job a Sparx where Annie works.
Things with Annie much better worked out a better system of doing dishes VERY HAPPY.
Had car towed today, clutch not working, won't know till end of week what's up.
Found out I'm going to have to do a big project in just a little over a week in order to be home earlier on Tuesday, not fun.
Going to try to start getting up earlier and doing homework in morning and going to bed earlier, start this next week.
Maybe go see movie with Marketing group on Friday, fun.
Haven't gone to Humane Society in week because of car, want to go really bad, very sad.
Deciding whether to take 15 credits or 17 credits, gah
Really wish I wasn't at work but working on my project instead. :(
Merchandising teacher pushed off test to friday! Still don't think I'll have much time to study.
hmmm, I ended up writing most of this like a list didn't I? Told you, many things to do, many. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I assume it is
All in all I'm busy but happy (except for my car breaking down) This is going to be a good year if I can keep up the momentum and actually start doing the projects I plan on
To all my friends who I have promised to do things for and have yet failed to complete them I apologize greatly, hang in there with me it might still be a while but I would love to do things for you remember that things are hetic for me up here and it's not like I'm going to bed at 8 everynight and choosing not to do these things for you. I don't even have to time to do the things for myself I'd like to do. Please forgive me my dear friends.
Still working on my Menswear line which is do tommorrow, I feel an all nighter coming up
SAS meeting today talked with Ellie (an friend of mine) of how SAS should be changed, sick of some things SAS lets by.
Still trying to desgin 2nd piece for show, must complete them both over winter break
Working out next semester schedule....think I'll do rock climbing over aerobic dance.
still trying to get second job, going to try to get a job a Sparx where Annie works.
Things with Annie much better worked out a better system of doing dishes VERY HAPPY.
Had car towed today, clutch not working, won't know till end of week what's up.
Found out I'm going to have to do a big project in just a little over a week in order to be home earlier on Tuesday, not fun.
Going to try to start getting up earlier and doing homework in morning and going to bed earlier, start this next week.
Maybe go see movie with Marketing group on Friday, fun.
Haven't gone to Humane Society in week because of car, want to go really bad, very sad.
Deciding whether to take 15 credits or 17 credits, gah
Really wish I wasn't at work but working on my project instead. :(
Merchandising teacher pushed off test to friday! Still don't think I'll have much time to study.
hmmm, I ended up writing most of this like a list didn't I? Told you, many things to do, many. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I assume it is
All in all I'm busy but happy (except for my car breaking down) This is going to be a good year if I can keep up the momentum and actually start doing the projects I plan on
To all my friends who I have promised to do things for and have yet failed to complete them I apologize greatly, hang in there with me it might still be a while but I would love to do things for you remember that things are hetic for me up here and it's not like I'm going to bed at 8 everynight and choosing not to do these things for you. I don't even have to time to do the things for myself I'd like to do. Please forgive me my dear friends.
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