I feel disconnected from my friends. When did we stop talking to each other? I feel as though recent conversations (if any have actually happened) have merely been plensantries and then on our way. When did we stop actually talking to each other, when did we become more distant? Is it my fault, I do know I could try harder. Are you too busy, am I? Are we both to blame? Is it men, school, work, the fight to lose weight that has us exercising more than talking? Is it because we are different? Are we too different now, could we ever be? I only have two friends left from home and I don't blame them for having lives outside of me (I wouldnt expect me to be the revolving center of their universe) and I'm not blaming anyone, merely wondering, when did we stop talking? Admitidly its always been hard for me to REALLY deeply open up to people. I'm a listener and would most rather listen to other peoples lives than talk about my own. How does that make you feel? Have I shut you out? I watched a movie last night Happy-Go-Lucky and it was a goodie becuase it was about a girl who was always happy even when pitfalls came along. Now it wasn't like she was smiling when someone was yelling at her, during the movie she could be serious and you saw her have moments which proved she obivously felt something but here's the difference, SHE CHOSE TO BE HAPPY. She chose not to let the bad things infect her, she even said during the movie when a friend told her she couldn't make everyone happy "there's no reason for not trying though" and she's right. Lots of times "adults" are really just big babies who refuse to express what they are feeling even if its the better thing to do and all those balled up feelings eat away at us and infect us. The girl in the movie reminded me of a friend of mine, her laugh and smile especially. And I remembered why I became her friend in the first place, becuase she too, wouldn't (won't) let the bad things infect her. I see her life as being so easy and perfect but it's not, she deals with all the same crap I do she just doesn't let it keep her down. Its nice to remember why you choose to become friends with someone because I think after being friends with them you can forget, things get lost, friends get lost. Remembering why i am friends with her reminded me there are things I still want to learn from her and that the people around me are truly amazing. Our lives may be soo different but I think people can stay friends even then when you remember why you are friends, to lean on each other and learn from each other. Each person has a quality someone else wants too. We befriend these people hoping the qualities will rub off on us and will but it isn't magic like that, we have to learn, practice, actively involve ourselves in trying to be what we wish we could. So the more important question than When Did We Stop Talking? will be When Will Start Talking Again? because I love you and my friends, you can't slip that easily away from me! :D
Que Sera Sera!
25.2.10
First Late Night of the Semester
Last night was my first late night (or early morning) of the semester, up till 4 am, then sleep till 6 am. I'm pretty beat and just want to sleep. The whole world should know this.
(hehe)
(hehe)
19.2.10
Good News Everyone!
I made it into the fashion show!!! I'm sooo happy! I was so nervous this morning that my garment wouldn't be accepted, BUT IT DID!!!! I got some compliments on it too. It's beginning to get to so that people can tell what I design and to be honest it tends to look different than what most people make. I'm so excited for the show now! whoo!!!! I'm already thinking of what I can make next year hahahaha. AWESOME! well that's my good news!
18.2.10
Updates!
NOTHING! hahahaa. Actually things have been pretty well on the whole. This week has been stressful because TOMORROW (!) is garment Turn-In Day for the fashion show. TOMORROW I will know if my garment is in or out. I hope it's in because I worked hard on it and for every piece being the first time I've done it (i.e. I've never made pants before (from scratch)) I think it's not bad! The pants fit nearly perfectly whoo! Only took my like 4 muslins to get there ahahaha. Classes have been pretty good and I'm still sticking to my healthy lifestyle! My new favorite breakfast is one banana sliced and any where from 1-3 strawberries all sliced up in a bowel. YUMMY! (with of course some coffee). Routine has been nice to me, and I'm liking it. I don't feel like I'm exercising enough but so far this week I've burned 1,261 calories by exercise (this doesn't include walking and resting calories) whoo! I even bought a scale to track my weight because this time I'm serious about getting rid of it! My goal is 110 by summer. 20 pounds left to lose! I can already feel it may not be an easy 20 pounds. Cali has really warmed up to being in our apartment and is friendly and playful. But you can't trust to keep your water sitting out. EVERY cup of water left out she sticks her head in! Silly! Once I get some resting time maybe I can take a picture of her! haha.
Well Que Sera Sera!
Blessings on your journey!
Well Que Sera Sera!
Blessings on your journey!
11.2.10
Words of Wisdom
I found these words of wisdom, written by Samara O'Shea at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samara-oshea/the-grass-is-rarely-almos_b_96981.html
Hi, my name is Samara, and I've been single for six years.
Hi Samara.
Oh no, sorry--wrong group of people.
Anyway, as a long-term single person, I became somewhat of an expert on relationships. I'm around couples all the time, and I have a tendency toward intense observation (always looking for a story to write). I couldn't help but notice some of the goings on. The life lesson I'm about to share is a direct result of my doing that, and it has really come through for me in the past two years. I'm here to (gladly!) report that other people are the most inaccurate measuring stick you will ever hold up to yourself.
The peanut gallery tends to assume single people are always looking for a significant other, and many of them are -- so it's a reasonable assumption. This assumption, however, is based on the fact that life is better when you're in a relationship. The birds sing more often. The sky is bluer, and you don't have to deal with pesky emotions such as loneliness and dejection. My keen eyes can confirm that this is, in fact, not true. Every depressing sensation you can feel as a single person -- misunderstood, isolated, and sad -- you can certainly feel while in a relationship. And the elations you feel in a relationship -- satisfied, triumphant, and ecstatic -- you can feel while being single.
The key is not to kid yourself that the other guy has it better than you do. So if you're single, shrug your shoulders and know that being in a relationship doesn't make life any easier, and if you're going through a rough patch in your relationship don't let your single friends tell you they have all the fun. They have their good days and their bad the same as you do, and the same as you will if you were to switch places with them. Bear this in mind, too, if you've been nervous about switching statues. If the only reason you're still in a relationship is to avoid being single or you're reluctant to give up life as a bachelor(ette), trust, if the time is right, the alternative isn't as bad as you think.
As I mentioned, I first noticed this when comparing single people to those in relationships, but then I started applying it elsewhere. Career moms compared to stay-at -home moms. Big breasts compared to small ones. Large salaries compared to modest ones. Notice I say "compared to" and not "verses," because this isn't a competition. No matter what state of being you're in you'll be tempted to look at someone else's state and think they have been magically alleviated of any and all problems. They must have it better than you do. They don't. I promise. They experience embarrassment, stress, pain, insecurity, and wishing they had what others have all the same. The garden on that side of the fence has both flowers and weeds, so it's in our best interest to stay on our side of the fence and maintain our lawn the best we can.
Unexpectedly, this maxim has enabled me to be much happier for my friends when they're experiencing a personal victory. Where I once was potentially bitter and envious that things were going well for them, the knowledge that their lives aren't perfect levels the playing field. It's not that I think Ha! My life has troubles and so does yours. Hooray! but rather We're all in this together, and I'm glad to share in your joy and pain knowing that you'll be with me in mine.
There are times in our lives when we're going through a great time and we know someone who is not. Perhaps they've just been fired in close proximity to you being promoted, or maybe they've just been dumped while you're in the early throws of infatuation. In these instances, it can be a great act of kindness not to talk at length about your feat. You don't have to lie; you just don't have to elaborate. If that idea sounds absurd and you can only enjoy your success if others are suffering in the knowledge and wake of it, then you can never truly enjoy your success.
This concept pertains not only to other people but also other circumstances. While it's true one job may be better than another, every job has its disadvantages--as does every relationship and every location. I'm not suggesting we all become perpetual pessimists and assume everything in life will be bad, just that we don't fool ourselves into thinking anything in life will be perfect. If you find yourself saying, "Things will be better when. . ." When we move. When we're married. When I'm making more money. Then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. This is where the caveat, "Be careful what you wish for" comes from -- because anything (and everything) you wish for comes with its own set of clandestine consequences. You won't know what they are until you get there, just know that something about any situation will let you down, and hopefully that's nothing compared to the parts that lift you up.
I think her words are so true but so hard to remember all the time. We all have ups and downs...and since it's Februrary I am going to celebrate being SINGLE and loving it. It's not easy but it's also not the worst thing ever, although no lie I do sometimes portray it like that don't I?
Cali (the cat that were watching) is getting more comfortable in our house and therefore much more playful and friendly. She sleeps with me (which I love!) I like having a pet around! so much fun! teehee
Make Today A Good Day, Because Only You Can Choose Too!
Que Sera Sera!
Hi, my name is Samara, and I've been single for six years.
Hi Samara.
Oh no, sorry--wrong group of people.
Anyway, as a long-term single person, I became somewhat of an expert on relationships. I'm around couples all the time, and I have a tendency toward intense observation (always looking for a story to write). I couldn't help but notice some of the goings on. The life lesson I'm about to share is a direct result of my doing that, and it has really come through for me in the past two years. I'm here to (gladly!) report that other people are the most inaccurate measuring stick you will ever hold up to yourself.
The peanut gallery tends to assume single people are always looking for a significant other, and many of them are -- so it's a reasonable assumption. This assumption, however, is based on the fact that life is better when you're in a relationship. The birds sing more often. The sky is bluer, and you don't have to deal with pesky emotions such as loneliness and dejection. My keen eyes can confirm that this is, in fact, not true. Every depressing sensation you can feel as a single person -- misunderstood, isolated, and sad -- you can certainly feel while in a relationship. And the elations you feel in a relationship -- satisfied, triumphant, and ecstatic -- you can feel while being single.
The key is not to kid yourself that the other guy has it better than you do. So if you're single, shrug your shoulders and know that being in a relationship doesn't make life any easier, and if you're going through a rough patch in your relationship don't let your single friends tell you they have all the fun. They have their good days and their bad the same as you do, and the same as you will if you were to switch places with them. Bear this in mind, too, if you've been nervous about switching statues. If the only reason you're still in a relationship is to avoid being single or you're reluctant to give up life as a bachelor(ette), trust, if the time is right, the alternative isn't as bad as you think.
As I mentioned, I first noticed this when comparing single people to those in relationships, but then I started applying it elsewhere. Career moms compared to stay-at -home moms. Big breasts compared to small ones. Large salaries compared to modest ones. Notice I say "compared to" and not "verses," because this isn't a competition. No matter what state of being you're in you'll be tempted to look at someone else's state and think they have been magically alleviated of any and all problems. They must have it better than you do. They don't. I promise. They experience embarrassment, stress, pain, insecurity, and wishing they had what others have all the same. The garden on that side of the fence has both flowers and weeds, so it's in our best interest to stay on our side of the fence and maintain our lawn the best we can.
Unexpectedly, this maxim has enabled me to be much happier for my friends when they're experiencing a personal victory. Where I once was potentially bitter and envious that things were going well for them, the knowledge that their lives aren't perfect levels the playing field. It's not that I think Ha! My life has troubles and so does yours. Hooray! but rather We're all in this together, and I'm glad to share in your joy and pain knowing that you'll be with me in mine.
There are times in our lives when we're going through a great time and we know someone who is not. Perhaps they've just been fired in close proximity to you being promoted, or maybe they've just been dumped while you're in the early throws of infatuation. In these instances, it can be a great act of kindness not to talk at length about your feat. You don't have to lie; you just don't have to elaborate. If that idea sounds absurd and you can only enjoy your success if others are suffering in the knowledge and wake of it, then you can never truly enjoy your success.
This concept pertains not only to other people but also other circumstances. While it's true one job may be better than another, every job has its disadvantages--as does every relationship and every location. I'm not suggesting we all become perpetual pessimists and assume everything in life will be bad, just that we don't fool ourselves into thinking anything in life will be perfect. If you find yourself saying, "Things will be better when. . ." When we move. When we're married. When I'm making more money. Then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. This is where the caveat, "Be careful what you wish for" comes from -- because anything (and everything) you wish for comes with its own set of clandestine consequences. You won't know what they are until you get there, just know that something about any situation will let you down, and hopefully that's nothing compared to the parts that lift you up.
I think her words are so true but so hard to remember all the time. We all have ups and downs...and since it's Februrary I am going to celebrate being SINGLE and loving it. It's not easy but it's also not the worst thing ever, although no lie I do sometimes portray it like that don't I?
Cali (the cat that were watching) is getting more comfortable in our house and therefore much more playful and friendly. She sleeps with me (which I love!) I like having a pet around! so much fun! teehee
Make Today A Good Day, Because Only You Can Choose Too!
Que Sera Sera!
10.2.10
A Day Of Ups and Downs
Down: Computer crashes at 4 am
Up: Made it to the top of the Rock Climbing wall three times, and completed a route
Down: Had to go to Ask 5000 for computer
UP: Easy Fix no problem!
Up/Down: How to find a Co-op workshop cancelled (at least I'll get to eat lunch!)
Down: Gave Annie my keys this morning because she forget hers now I'm locked out of the apartment
Up: Can go to library and get some work done!
Down: My computer won't connect to the internet here, and is running out of battery making my time useless.
it's only 6 there's still hope for an Up to end the day (like Cali sleeping with me again!)
Up: Made it to the top of the Rock Climbing wall three times, and completed a route
Down: Had to go to Ask 5000 for computer
UP: Easy Fix no problem!
Up/Down: How to find a Co-op workshop cancelled (at least I'll get to eat lunch!)
Down: Gave Annie my keys this morning because she forget hers now I'm locked out of the apartment
Up: Can go to library and get some work done!
Down: My computer won't connect to the internet here, and is running out of battery making my time useless.
it's only 6 there's still hope for an Up to end the day (like Cali sleeping with me again!)
9.2.10
Conquering the Wall
I did it!!!! Yesterday I conquered the Rock Climbing Wall!!! I made it to the top! The more I rock climb the more I love it. whoo! Now if I could conquer my homework....
5.2.10
The Woman With God
The woman was outraged when she finally
stood before God.
Red hot with anger,
she moved with authority
toward the Great Chair,
closer than most dare.
"Why did my mother have to die when I was ten?"
she shouted.
God began to speak,
but the woman raised a finger
to Him.
"Why did my father have to be a drunk,
beat me, my sister and my little brother,
tell me I'm ugly, dumb, and useless,
then go and marry that witch,
who then, too,
would hit us"?
Again God motioned to answer, but the woman
shushed Him.
"And then for me to have to go through four
miscarriages
and that terrible abortion"
God's eyes began to water, for he knew all too well
the woman's extraordinarily hard life.
For the last time He tried to speak.
"I AM NOT FINISHED, screamed the woman.
"Why,
why could you not give me
one moment to breathe,
an escape,
anything?
And then why did I have to care for that evil witch
until the end of
my life?
Why did you do this to me? Why?"
The woman burst into tears and collapsed on the ground
Upon seeing this, God also burst into tears
Then, in an unheard of action,
God stepped down
from His Great Chair
and lay beside the woman,
tucking her hair over her ears, so to see her eyes.
The woman looked up to see
God himself
overwhelmed with emotion.
Sobbing, He said,
"I needed you to help the people
I couldn't get to,
you had my knowledge
with your hard experiences.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
But you did such an inspiring job."
-David McWane
I love this poem. So bluntly and well written. I've been thinking about blessings and miracles lately. How it always seems my friends and family are so blessed and get everything they want whereas with me it feels like everytime I really want something it's sure to get taken away from me. But upon reading this I always remind myself there's a reason He (She..) does something. There's a lesson to learn so that I may give my experience to others. Because maybe I can handle it and others may not be able to. Because I AM a lesson. I believe in God and Jesus (and faith) but not in a way most (or anybody) would agree with. I still like to visit church(es) to gain experience, to listen, and to hear what others think but to be rightfully honest to everyone I probably cannot be called a Christian because some fundamental differences I see. I take things abstractly and sometimes in faith things seem to straightforward to EASY. And we all know it's not worth if it's not a challenge. Faith has always been a challenge for me, but not one that I've ever given up on. And it's a good thing if faith is a challenge, if you challenge faith. Because the only way we learn is by asking questions (especailly questions that don't have easy answers) and when we find answers they invariably lead to more questions which will only lead to a stronger support in whatever you believe becasue Faith is personal. We don't have to be the same because no one is right or wrong when it comes to faith and religion. Asking is good! I asked my pastors about Gnosticism a little while back and was so pleased with the answers they gave me. Not because the answers were straight forward but because they were so happy that I was asking. Especailly now when I'm young it's good to seek out information. It was heartwarming to hear how happy they were at my interest.
I know my life isn't that bad, and that I am quite blessed, in different ways than my friends. Sometimes I wonder why I have to be so lonely when my heart aches to love but I have to remind myself that I am alone for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't fully understand yet but it's getting there slowly. It's revealing strength I never knew I had.
It gives me time to listen, which I need to improve upon most. So I too can hear God. Because God is still speaking,
Blessings
stood before God.
Red hot with anger,
she moved with authority
toward the Great Chair,
closer than most dare.
"Why did my mother have to die when I was ten?"
she shouted.
God began to speak,
but the woman raised a finger
to Him.
"Why did my father have to be a drunk,
beat me, my sister and my little brother,
tell me I'm ugly, dumb, and useless,
then go and marry that witch,
who then, too,
would hit us"?
Again God motioned to answer, but the woman
shushed Him.
"And then for me to have to go through four
miscarriages
and that terrible abortion"
God's eyes began to water, for he knew all too well
the woman's extraordinarily hard life.
For the last time He tried to speak.
"I AM NOT FINISHED, screamed the woman.
"Why,
why could you not give me
one moment to breathe,
an escape,
anything?
And then why did I have to care for that evil witch
until the end of
my life?
Why did you do this to me? Why?"
The woman burst into tears and collapsed on the ground
Upon seeing this, God also burst into tears
Then, in an unheard of action,
God stepped down
from His Great Chair
and lay beside the woman,
tucking her hair over her ears, so to see her eyes.
The woman looked up to see
God himself
overwhelmed with emotion.
Sobbing, He said,
"I needed you to help the people
I couldn't get to,
you had my knowledge
with your hard experiences.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
But you did such an inspiring job."
-David McWane
I love this poem. So bluntly and well written. I've been thinking about blessings and miracles lately. How it always seems my friends and family are so blessed and get everything they want whereas with me it feels like everytime I really want something it's sure to get taken away from me. But upon reading this I always remind myself there's a reason He (She..) does something. There's a lesson to learn so that I may give my experience to others. Because maybe I can handle it and others may not be able to. Because I AM a lesson. I believe in God and Jesus (and faith) but not in a way most (or anybody) would agree with. I still like to visit church(es) to gain experience, to listen, and to hear what others think but to be rightfully honest to everyone I probably cannot be called a Christian because some fundamental differences I see. I take things abstractly and sometimes in faith things seem to straightforward to EASY. And we all know it's not worth if it's not a challenge. Faith has always been a challenge for me, but not one that I've ever given up on. And it's a good thing if faith is a challenge, if you challenge faith. Because the only way we learn is by asking questions (especailly questions that don't have easy answers) and when we find answers they invariably lead to more questions which will only lead to a stronger support in whatever you believe becasue Faith is personal. We don't have to be the same because no one is right or wrong when it comes to faith and religion. Asking is good! I asked my pastors about Gnosticism a little while back and was so pleased with the answers they gave me. Not because the answers were straight forward but because they were so happy that I was asking. Especailly now when I'm young it's good to seek out information. It was heartwarming to hear how happy they were at my interest.
I know my life isn't that bad, and that I am quite blessed, in different ways than my friends. Sometimes I wonder why I have to be so lonely when my heart aches to love but I have to remind myself that I am alone for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't fully understand yet but it's getting there slowly. It's revealing strength I never knew I had.
It gives me time to listen, which I need to improve upon most. So I too can hear God. Because God is still speaking,
Blessings
3.2.10
A Million Pitfalls
True success does not come after one try, but only after a million pitfalls and lessons learned on the way.
Been thinking about success recently. It's so hard not to want success to come right away but the more you want that only the more frustrated you'll get when it doesn't come. And if it does come it is usually much less satisfying because then it really wasn't a challenge and nothing can be gained from that. We all want things to work out perfectly but can you imagine if they really did? How horrible life would be? No one would ever be pushed to do something new or exciting or to get better at something....or to learn. There's such a satisfied feeling that comes out of accomplishing something you've been failing at for so long. I've got many personal hurdles that I'm currently working on, tackling each at small intervals and slowly I'm getting better. Feeling more accomplished, feeling....well. It's so weird to see all the important things in life people are throwing away day by day. Mental health and growing up are usually just assumed to happen as people grow older but this is sooooo false! You have to make the choice to be healthy and adult! and what counts as healthy today.....pffft!!!! Nowhere close to where people really should be. And we all wonder why we're miserable. It almost feels good to me when I see myself failing at each new thing I try because then at least I'M TRYING. Some people won't ever try something new and unusual, which is really to sad...what they must be missing out on. Of course what I like won't be what everybody else likes but if you never try you never know for sure. I thought I hated peanut butter...then I was forced to try it and behold I then loved it. I'm not perfect but most of my life I've tried new things, even things that scare me, I still try. Variety in life is good, it leaves you feeling fulfilled because even if you try it and don't like it, you've gained knowledge and experience. I don't like spiny rides. I know this because I have ridden them a few times and the last three experiences have left me nauseous, see...there I learned. Most often though I find if you really give something a chance, you end up usually liking it. Chance. Just stare at the word for a bit, absorb it. Peel it apart and poke around. In fact do that with lots of things. Instead of just going through each day. Absorb it, think about it, understand it. Look at it cosmically, be awed by it. Be awed by life in general. Who'd of known this could ever be? Life is different for everybody but I get so sad when I see people just meandering through life, so unthankful, so blind. Open your eyes and be thankful for everything in your life. Be active in life, don't ever just float.
Absorb.
and as always
Que Sera Sera!
Been thinking about success recently. It's so hard not to want success to come right away but the more you want that only the more frustrated you'll get when it doesn't come. And if it does come it is usually much less satisfying because then it really wasn't a challenge and nothing can be gained from that. We all want things to work out perfectly but can you imagine if they really did? How horrible life would be? No one would ever be pushed to do something new or exciting or to get better at something....or to learn. There's such a satisfied feeling that comes out of accomplishing something you've been failing at for so long. I've got many personal hurdles that I'm currently working on, tackling each at small intervals and slowly I'm getting better. Feeling more accomplished, feeling....well. It's so weird to see all the important things in life people are throwing away day by day. Mental health and growing up are usually just assumed to happen as people grow older but this is sooooo false! You have to make the choice to be healthy and adult! and what counts as healthy today.....pffft!!!! Nowhere close to where people really should be. And we all wonder why we're miserable. It almost feels good to me when I see myself failing at each new thing I try because then at least I'M TRYING. Some people won't ever try something new and unusual, which is really to sad...what they must be missing out on. Of course what I like won't be what everybody else likes but if you never try you never know for sure. I thought I hated peanut butter...then I was forced to try it and behold I then loved it. I'm not perfect but most of my life I've tried new things, even things that scare me, I still try. Variety in life is good, it leaves you feeling fulfilled because even if you try it and don't like it, you've gained knowledge and experience. I don't like spiny rides. I know this because I have ridden them a few times and the last three experiences have left me nauseous, see...there I learned. Most often though I find if you really give something a chance, you end up usually liking it. Chance. Just stare at the word for a bit, absorb it. Peel it apart and poke around. In fact do that with lots of things. Instead of just going through each day. Absorb it, think about it, understand it. Look at it cosmically, be awed by it. Be awed by life in general. Who'd of known this could ever be? Life is different for everybody but I get so sad when I see people just meandering through life, so unthankful, so blind. Open your eyes and be thankful for everything in your life. Be active in life, don't ever just float.
Absorb.
and as always
Que Sera Sera!
1.2.10
A Healthier Me
It been the subject on my mind for quite some time now (I know no one else cares but no one but me really sees this thing anyway). I'm even taking an interpersonal class this semester to help me understand myself better and communicate better. When reading the first chapter to our book it talked alot about how you can't have a healthy self without have a healthy body. Body and mind work together and I realized I haven't been very healthy at all for quite some time and maybe part of my sadness and lonliness comes about from sitting so long. So I've made a pact to the healty future me to put down the crap food and get back into veggies and fruits. I was surprised at how delicious it has been eating fruit instead of Mac n Cheese. My morning routine also helps me feel healthier!
Up at 6am (7:30 on weekends at the latest)
Shower
Get dressed
Make Coffee and morning fruit snack
Do Make-Up
Wait to go to class! haha
It feels good though as crazy as it sounds and Mondays then never seem so bad because they are just like every other day.
I've vowed to not only to do Tae Bo but Yoga as well because no exercise it better than another, each is different and has it's strength so I must do them all! I figure I can start my serious areobics when I go home because I can't run (I can't breath when I run) so I'm going to stair stepping with my mom! Rock Climbing is so much fun too! I'm still really scared but the more I do it the more excited I am each time class starts! I like belaying and it's fun because Annie's in the class to so we take turns rock climbing and belaying for each other. It's fun!
Nothing's ever going to be perfect in my life, perfect doesn't exist. And I will still have to battle lonliness each and every day but it will make me a stronger person in the end because the longer I am alone the more I see myself, really truly myself. I don't expect anyone to understand what I mean because I don't know anyone who's been put in the same situation but it's refreshing to peel back all the characters I've played to make people happy and to see that some of those Characteristics are me and some aren't. To stand on your own and truly know who you are when nobody else is around...that's something indescribable, something only those who have faced lonliness day after day can really come to appreciate. I think everyday about Jesus (the man not the myth) and how he lived his life to serve others and it brings me to my knees in tears everytime because that is what I want to be. I want to wash my friends feet, I want my friends to let me be their servant. But it's hard because right now I don't have more than an ear and hug to give. I have barely any food, no money yet I still feel like I have too much. Like I should be trying harder. I want to be selfless someday and I'm going to work hard to get there. I have to remember the good in me each morning. To remember it won't come easy, ever. Nothing in life worth having comes easy. Maybe someday I'll be able to live like Jesus (or as close as someone these days can). I need to learn how to listen more, not to judge or hate anyone. I need to find an inner peace and calmness I cannot yet understand. But maybe someday.
My family is (hopefully) going to the Dead Sea Scrolls over spring break. Mucho exicited!
Blessings to all!
Up at 6am (7:30 on weekends at the latest)
Shower
Get dressed
Make Coffee and morning fruit snack
Do Make-Up
Wait to go to class! haha
It feels good though as crazy as it sounds and Mondays then never seem so bad because they are just like every other day.
I've vowed to not only to do Tae Bo but Yoga as well because no exercise it better than another, each is different and has it's strength so I must do them all! I figure I can start my serious areobics when I go home because I can't run (I can't breath when I run) so I'm going to stair stepping with my mom! Rock Climbing is so much fun too! I'm still really scared but the more I do it the more excited I am each time class starts! I like belaying and it's fun because Annie's in the class to so we take turns rock climbing and belaying for each other. It's fun!
Nothing's ever going to be perfect in my life, perfect doesn't exist. And I will still have to battle lonliness each and every day but it will make me a stronger person in the end because the longer I am alone the more I see myself, really truly myself. I don't expect anyone to understand what I mean because I don't know anyone who's been put in the same situation but it's refreshing to peel back all the characters I've played to make people happy and to see that some of those Characteristics are me and some aren't. To stand on your own and truly know who you are when nobody else is around...that's something indescribable, something only those who have faced lonliness day after day can really come to appreciate. I think everyday about Jesus (the man not the myth) and how he lived his life to serve others and it brings me to my knees in tears everytime because that is what I want to be. I want to wash my friends feet, I want my friends to let me be their servant. But it's hard because right now I don't have more than an ear and hug to give. I have barely any food, no money yet I still feel like I have too much. Like I should be trying harder. I want to be selfless someday and I'm going to work hard to get there. I have to remember the good in me each morning. To remember it won't come easy, ever. Nothing in life worth having comes easy. Maybe someday I'll be able to live like Jesus (or as close as someone these days can). I need to learn how to listen more, not to judge or hate anyone. I need to find an inner peace and calmness I cannot yet understand. But maybe someday.
My family is (hopefully) going to the Dead Sea Scrolls over spring break. Mucho exicited!
Blessings to all!
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