I keep meaning to write but either get side tracked or feel like I have nothing to say, which thinking about it I know that's not true. Hmmm, par events going on in my life, school mostly although this year I do have to say my social life is finally getting a perk! (which is sooo fun!) I'm hoping to be in two fashion shows this year instead of just one and in spring and hopefully I also have all 3 planned pieces to put in! I start my second job as Costume Shop Supervisor. I'm revamping my resume currently so it's ready within the next two weeks to be sent out to hopefully find me an internship!! (in California please!)Also currently I am playing intermural soccer (which if you ever need a good laugh, me playing soccer is one for sure!). Amd I just got promoted to Student Manager at the Library! whoo! (or should it be whew?) I feel like I have a lot going on while at the same time feeling like I'm often doing nothing at all. The closer winter gets here the more I realize that everything is just around the bend, internship, studio, graduate, job! (job!!??!!)Sometimes it freaks me out because I don't want to get a job I don't like and I don't want to be stuck in a dead end job either (which is my biggest fear right now.) I have the passion but not the portfolio right now so I'm trying to stick in extra design stuff and Annie is going to help me out with my business cards! (so happy!) Next year though I will be sad becuase Annie's going to Germany for the WHOLE YEAR! :( I will be living in a house with her German exchange student, and our friends Nick, Andrew, and Paul. It should be fun!!! (especially if the German a man, I'll be the only girl in the house hahaha) Once I get the pictures from Annie I can show pictures from the Rennesance Fair, we all dressed up!! So much fun! This Thursday a big group of people are all heading to this park called ScareTown so we can get scared hahaha!! I've never been to anything like this before so I'm super excited!
Something else fun, I went to a concert this last weekend it was The Octopus Project and Starfucker with opening band From a Fountain. Every band was really good and fun to listen to. I haven't been to a concert in so long it felt amazing to go and really this was probably the most awesome concert ever! EVER. It's hard to describe what it's like for me at concerts, it's someplace where I always feel like I fit in no matter what. Everybody is united by the music, so it's almost like becoming one entity or something. Having it been so long since I've been to a concert Saturday night felt like the first night I've felt ALIVE in sooo long. It was a deep breath after a long suffication period. There's something wonderful and inspiring about being in a crowd yet able to think about only yourself and the music. Your connected but disconnected, in a crowd yet all alone. The beat fills your body and the music fills your soul, the vibrations of the bass drum become more a purring sensation in the body. You can move, bob, dance, or just close your eyes and experience it. Music can become color. For a little while at least you can feed off of and share the passion of the musicians on stage. It's unexplainable and it's freedom. Starfucker (who I had never heard of before) was absolutely FANTASTIC!! If my personality could become music it would sound like Starfucker. The energy they put out was so different and fun, and the sound was easy to dance to but still good music! (why is that so hard to find these days?) I ended up getting thier cd that night and have been listening to nothing else since then haha.
It's strange, I can't pinpoint when it started I only know it has been a while now that I've felt, disconnected, like I was wrapped in a cocoon or more like shoved into one, one that didn't fit. Something in my life was off, something was strangling me. Sad enough I think it was myself, I was strangling me, trying to change myself by shoving me into some cookie cutter shape I thought everyone would accept. After Saturday I feel life again, screw cookie cutter! I have been able to step back and see what has really changed inside me and what I forced. I'm not sure if this is a new problem for me or one that been an undercurrent throughout my whole life. A part of me doesn't care, because now (at least right now) I am cured! I feel alive and active (although after 1.5 hours of sleep last night I also feel really tired)I am breathing, the air is fresh, and that is all I care about right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment