Good Feeling Gone.

Well so much for that good feeling. Apparently God really just doesn't want me to be happy, everytime I feel like I'm getting there WHAM! oh well. What's been bugging me is a conversation I had with a classmate on Friday. I was talking to this freshman I really don't know but somehow got into a conversation with and she mentions how she's always known she's wanted to do fashion and truth be told I hate running into those people because I feel so unworthy around them since I DIDN'T always know I wanted to be in fashion. Anyways, so I trying to tell her how I got to this point and she kept cutting me off. As soon as I told her about my cafe idea I had awhile ago she told me it sounded dirty and gross. ok, she's already testing me. So I left that and went on to say I realized I didn't really want to sell everything I really wanted to sell clothes (of course meaning my clothes) and she cut me off again with "Selling? That's retail, are you retail?" "no" "oh well selling's retail" "I know but I want to make my clothes, have my own boutqiue" "are you a business minor?" "no" "oh you should be" this is kinda how are conversation went. It really pushed my buttons in a few ways. I'm going to make the assumption that this girl comes from a pretty wealthy family because she lives somewhere in the Milwaukee area but only apprieciates the rich areas and thinks KK (Kinnickinick) (wow didn't spell that right) is a bad area that her mother was afraid of. Now I've walked up and down KK a lot I never saw much danger there, sure it's no gated community but it's not the north side either. So that got me believing she's a blessed child. Anyways I'm trying to explain Fasten to her (but of course she can't get over that it's on KK "eww")she didn't seem to hear me, everything I tried to say to she rebuttled before I even had a chance to explain and I hate when people do that because they really don't know what your talking about but they feel they have the right to shut you down. This does not sit well with me. She even told me that for becoming a designer I should go to Mount Mary (which is 20 grand a year) because Stout is more corportaion oriented, which is true but Stout is more hands on which I love (and it's affordable...ish) I blantely told her I did not have the money to go there and she said they have good scholorships (of course none of which I am guarenteed) and this time I got to shut her down and just said "no there's no way I can afford it" she looked kinda confused when I said that, talk about sheltered. I think what hurt me the most is when I tried to explain that all I want is a small boutique she talked as if that ok if I didn't mind being poor (ok she didn't say poor directly but I knew what she meant) and it's the WAY she said it, like owning a small boutique wasn't good enough or as if now that she knew that about me I was suddenly a lesser person. I wonder, when did just wanting enough suddenly become not enough? Why is it everyone's mission these day is to be rich and have a big house and all that junk. I've learned lately that living more simply isn't a bad thing. Sure I still want a nice home and car, I mean I want enough to live by but I don't need a lot of money and just because I don't want a lot of money or fame doesn't make me crazy, does it? Should I really feel bad for not wanting everything? What happened to living simply so that others may simply live? I'm a really casual person and belong in constant casual settings, I like being my own boss and deciding what's right for me, I like unique and individual things, does this make less worthy? Her opinion shouldn't bother me either, but what she said and how she said it really hurt me, made me feel stupid for wanting to live commonly. I want to be a real person real people can talk to and being famous doesn't make that easy. I want to make people who feel like me feel good about it and not second class because they're different. I want to change the world piece by piece from bottom up. But suddenly now these days that just not good enough and if that's what you want then you get that wierd stare from people and really I hate that it still bothers me but can't people understand how easy it is offend someone and tear them down? It especially hurts when it comes from people who don't even take the time to listen to you they just start tearing down your idea as soon as the first word leaves your mouth. I also told her other jobs I would like are a piercing or tattto artist but that I didn't follow that because I like clothes better and I could just see her cringe behind me thinking probably of how "dirty" that was. AHHHH now I'm just pissed and hurt! Why is what I want never good enough? I deal with all the time and I'm so sick of people looking down on me because of how I view the world, my life in it, and where I want to be, who I want to be, what I want out of life, and how I get there. No matter what I do I'm always the outsider, the freak, the lunatic, will I ever be good enough in life? Will I ever get respect?