I have been meaning to write but school stressors and stress about WHAT to write have kept me at bay. Granted, these postings are mostly for nobody, just me to splurge the mashings of brain out when I don't know where to turn. Every once in a while then I read over old posts and begin to think "I really have nothing to say..." I try and make commentary about life but I know so many of my friends who are waaaaay better at it than I. Oh well.
I will try and cover the span of crazy that has flown around this brain in the last three weeks but I'm sure I will fail.
School.
is getting to me. I want to be done and although a part of me feels nowhere ready to be out in the real world I itch for the days when I can just work. When I don't feel guilty for going to bed or spending time on other interests of mine. I'm sick of being judged and feeling a constant pressure to perform in ways that just don't work for me. I don't like that there are categories of good student and bad and even worse, invisible. I don't like being told that if I don't follow these certain steps I basically don't have a future. I can't help it that I'm not cutthroat or super competitive, I just don't believe in those ideals. I can't condone using people and stepping on others to get to the top. Maybe that makes me naive but I would rather die knowing I had done my best to be a good person and see the good in people than die knowing I have money in the bank. I will admit that I am freaked out about where the future could take me. Right now, I could go anywhere. I am looking in specfically several cities I think I would like to live in and a part of me feels bad for saying this but Milwaukee is currently not one of them. It's not that I don't like Milwaukee either but I want to go places and I worry that if I don't leave the city now, I never will. But leaving will break quite a big mold that I have seen very few people actually break. What if I don't make it in another city, I can forsee everyone's laughing faces "I told you so!!!! Guess you shoulda stayed in Milwuakee"
I'm just tired of "I told you so"
Maybe it's stupid, but it bothers me when my friends don't text back...I try and text people because I want to talk to them, but responses are usually rare.
Speaking of which....
I love my new house, I love my roommates...I don't like that as I feel like I'm getting closer to my friends in Menomonie I'm drifting farther from my friends at home. All of these people are important to me and I really don't want to give up anyone. I'm trying to find a win-win situation in this but I'm finding it incredibly hard. My friends are very important to me and it would make me sad if it was not the same the other way around.
I feel weird today, like my intuition is acting up but yet again about what I do not know.....
So even though I said I would try and cover the last three weeks, I'm feeling to exhausted and anxious to keep writing. Most of it would have been project related anyways, which I'm even if anyone was reading this they probably would have skimmed over it. Actually your probably just skimming over all of this right now too. Oh hi! Did I catch attention? Well lucky for you, you don't have to fake interest anymore this post is done.
over and out.
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